And the peanut is......

A BOY!!!!  Yep, apparently that is the mold we make! Lol!  We are very excited that this little man was not shy and didnt make us wait long to learn the gender.  The ultrasound tech was cute and instead of writing boy, she automatically wrote brother.  We thought that was very cute, and we are so excited that Xander will have a little brother to play with.  We hope they will be so close and will be the best of friends! Cant wait to meet this new little one, but hope he stays in a long time and bakes just right!  Here is to keeping our fingers, toes, and eyes crossed that everything will continue to go smooth and all will be healthy!

Peanut Update

So just a quickly update on the new little peanut.  I am now 12 weeks, which is nice to reach.  This is officially the furthest pregnancy for a singleton baby, which is quite happy!  We just had our ultrasound checking for specific body parts (i.e. 4 chambers to the heart, 2 parts of the brain, 2 legs, 2 arms, stomach, bladder...etc) and everything looks really good.  We thought for a moment that we might find out the gender, but from one angle the tech said it definitely looked like a girl and from another angle, definitely a boy, so we will continue to wait and see if we get to know in another month.  Because this pregnancy is so high risk, I get to have either a heartbeat check, or ultrasound every 2 weeks.  It's alot of appointments which is a pain, but it is so nice to not have to wait a long time and wonder in between if something may be going wrong.

In the meantime, I got some interesting news about me.... I have been feeling just absolutely exhausted lately!  I assumed it was a normal part of the joys of pregnancy added on top of the joys of being a mother to a newborn and just having recently returned back to work to boot.  Well, turns out, that there is a bigger explanation for it. Apparently, I have a disorder called Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.  The diagnosis comes because the mono virus (which I have had like 10 times in my life) currently has flared up along with some other virus I had never heard of, nor knew I had.  Together it means pretty much... I am exhausted!  I do feel very blessed though that I have a job where I can sit at a desk and relax rather than be up and about.  When I googled this disorder, I found that less than 1/5 of people with this disorder are able to work full time!!!  That is huge!  So many are only able to work part time or are on disability all together because this disorder is so debilitating!  After work, I am incredibly spent and it takes all remaining energy to rock Xander to sleep at night if I am lucky, But I am so very grateful that I can continue to work and provide financially for our family and I am even more grateful that I have such an amazing husband who has stepped in to fill all the gaps where I am lacking and who is taking such good care of Xander, both during the day while I am at work, and at night when I just so tired!  He truly is amazing and does it without even complaining! Despite the hardships right, I definitely can still see the Lord providing for us and I am so very grateful for those blessings!

A Super Sweet Mothers Day Gift!

This power point came from Xander's amazing birth family.  It was the sweetest thing ever!!!!  This Mothers Day was such a sweet one anyway, but this absolutely made my day!  I was totally taken aback at the thoughtfulness, This family already gave us a beautiful baby, but we absolutely love that they joined our family too and that they so sweet and wonderful!  We couldnt love them more!  PS... I totally bawled when I saw this!
Happy mother’s day from fl fam

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Surprise, Surprise

So.... many people know someone that this type of thing happens to, we kinda hoped it would happen to us, but we never thought it would be so quickly.  If you havent made any guesses yet, and dont already know.... I am pregnant!  Yes, once again we are embarking on the journey of maternity.  We are hopeful that Xander was the miracle we needed in our family to open the doorway for others.  So far everything is looking really good, but only time will tell if this is the magic one that sticks!  This is Number 8 biologically for us.  All the other pregnancies, (other than lucky #7) were conceived through fertility, this one.... Surprise!  That in and of itself, is quite exciting as we didnt think it was really possible for us to conceive without some medical treatments, and the last two have proven that despite the past almost 6 years of nothing.... guess what... we can get pregnant on our own!  Also, all the other losses have been completely independent of each other.  All the tests that we have been able to run show there is no reason that if everything works correctly biologically and genetically, that we shouldnt be able to produce a healthy child.  Again, only time will tell, but that news is also very hopeful.

The biggest difference this time, honestly, is Xander.  Already in the brief time he has been a part of our lives, he has given so much healing to our hearts.  It is amazing the sense of peace that comes from a sweet little spirit coming to a family.  It truly is a miracle!  The amount of love and joy that he has given so quickly, has made so much difference.  I am so grateful to him and to his birth parents for this amazing gift that was so very needed.  Dont get me wrong, everything that happened before him is still gut wrenching and so hard, but it all led us to Xander, which while an incredibly difficult road, it had such a happy ending!  Had we not suffered with infertility and loss, we never would have looked to adoption at this stage in our lives.  There is no doubt in my mind that Xander was meant to come to our family and we are so very grateful that he did.   I am still incredibly anxious with this pregnancy.... I think I always will be, but it is very different this time.  It would be terrible to lose another child and we hope that never happens again, but regardless, we have been blessed to be Xanders parents and if we never are blessed with another child, We will still consider ourselves incredibly blessed.  This feeling and attitude has helped to survive the multiple doctors appointments and the medication and waiting and especially the unknown.


So here is a picture of the little peanut.  I am 10 and a half weeks and everything looks good.  My due date is right around Thanksgiving... Nov. 27th (for now) and Xander and this little peanut will be less than 10 months apart!!!  That part is a little crazy, but when they are older, I am sure we will absolutely love that they have a sibling to be so close with!

Unlucky Lucky Number 7

So we had a happy little secret.  No one knew. Which was big for me, because I am terrible at secrets.  Unfortunately, the happy little secret became a sad announcement to share.  I was pregnant, but at our 10 week appointment, there was no longer a heartbeat.  We were devastated.  This little one was the 7th biological child of ours.  We were so very hopeful with this pregnancy.  This was the first time that I had become pregnant without medical assistance.  That in and of itself was a huge step forward.  This was also the first baby other than the twins to make it beyond 6 or 7 weeks.  We were in absolute shock just at becoming pregnant, and then as the days passed by, we began to have hope that maybe this one would be the lucky one.

Our hearts are broken once again.  Once again, we suffered the heartache and pain of losing another child.  And once again, I had to endure a procedure to remove a baby that would never come home.  This little one brought hope again to my heart that it may be possible to have a biological child, but now we do not know.  This little one did however make it far enough for testing to be done.  So we are currently anxiously awaiting the results to see if there is anything that can be done in the future to help me to carry a baby to term.  I am already missing the sweet feeling of being pregnant.  Even though I am miserable when I am pregnant, it was so very fun to have a happy little secret inside me.  Someday we will have you again little one.  In the meantime, you brought us hope.

Just like that

the roller coaster ride that we stepped on 5 months ago just took a dive right into a dark tunnel. We cannot see whether the next turn has a light at the end of the tunnel or a giant brick wall to slam into. 2 weeks ago, i went in for my monthly ultrasound. It was supposed to be really exciting, i was supposed to be able to figure out the flavor of the other little peanut inside me. Instead we were given some very heart wrenching news. My babies are very very small....scary small. The doctors think there is an issue with the placentas that prevents enough blood getting through to the babies. In short, my babies are starving and not growing like they should. The doctors also added that if we don't do anything, we will lose both babies!!!! So after being completely devastated, we decided along with my doctor that the answer was obviously to not "do nothing".

So my whole world is upside down for the moment just trying to get these little ones to stay with me. I am now on oxygen 24/7 which i have to say is incredibly not fun! Fortunately, they make portable oxygen tanks, so for now, i am still able to work with the portable tanks. The oxygen helps to enrich the blood that is getting to the babies. I have to take blood thinner, which is in hopes that thinner blood will be able to penetrate the placenta wall better and get more nutrients to the babies. I also have to sit in a luke warm hot tub for one hour everyday (rain or shine) to help promote better circulation. Thank goodness my big brother has a hot tub with a temperature control or i would have already been admitted to the hospital for the duration of my pregnancy. I also am on a eat eat eat diet. Which is fun, but will not be fun when i am trying to lose the baby weight later. But for now, the desserts and soda (yep doctors orders to drink soda :)) are a nice change. I also have to have appointments 2 times per week to monitor the little ones and make sure they are still fighting with me.

One baby is about 3 weeks behind and the other baby is about 2 weeks behind. Both are in jeopardy, but obviously one is doing better than another. we are very hopeful that all of these new remedies will help my little peanuts grow bigger and be able to at least make it to survive, and even better thrive. A few good things did come from this big mess (other than the desserts and soda) was that we had to do an amnio test to determine if the babies were chromosomally normal or if there were additional problem to deal with. thankfully from the test thus far (we are still waiting for the final complete results, we only have a partial) from the partial results, the babies are chromosomally normal. We also were able to determine from this test, that our little ones are both BOYS!!!

So if we can get these little babies to continue fighting like their parents are, we will have two cute and adorable little boys to cause trouble and mischief. All i want is those little trouble makers! So we are asking our friends and family to join us in this fight and if you dont mind to add our little boys to your prayers. We need all the help and faith we can get to make it through this and bring these wonderful little babies into our family and our home.

Its a Boy....and A Surprise!

We were so excited to go to my ultrasound and find out the flavors of our little peanuts. Well.... It didn't quite turn out like i would have liked. We did discover however, that our kids are already being difficult :) I am kidding.... well kind of. My parents say its just payback already, but we had one baby that would not hold still so the tech had to beat my stomach to make it stay still. We barely were able to see that it was a rambunctious little boy! And the other baby was being difficult and hiding behind my belly button. Apparently ultrasounds cannot travel through air, and there is an air pocket behind the belly button which the picture cannot travel through. We had the technician and the doctor try to make the baby move out from behind my belly button, but no luck. So just to torture their mom.... I will have to wait another 3 weeks to find out what we are having with our other child. Fortunately, i am posting this late, and will know in about 10 days...if they cooperate this time. Because one baby was hiding and was was a wiggle worm, We didn't get any good pictures either. The only good one was this one where can see both babies together. I really like the twin pics. I think it is fun to see them both together. We are very excited to be expecting a little boy. Eldon really wanted to have a little boy, so we know we at least got one, so he is pretty happy about that. We are hoping the other baby is a little girl so we can have the best of both worlds, but we will be happy with 2 little boys as well! I just want to know! As for me, sorry I don't have a belly picture to post. I just haven't taken one, but i will update soon. My belly is definitely sticking out. My co-workers make fun that all of a sudden, I just popped out and am very apparently pregnant and getting bigger each week, and that i already have the pregnancy waddle. Well, to my defense, i am glad to look preggo, much better than just looking like i am getting fat! And the waddle is only at the end of the day, when i am tired from working all day and my muscles under my tummy are tired. Life has been a lot easier for me lately. Still not a fairytale by any means, but the morning sickness is finally under control for the most part, and i have been back to work for over a month, so that is definitely positive. I am very tired each day, so my bedtime has been moved to before nine...lame I know, but oh well. I am starting to feel movement, so that is really fun and been the best part of this pregnancy so far. We are really excited and glad that everyone is healthy and things are going good, and we are just waiting for the next ultrasound so the planning can really begin!

bedrest already

this is more for journaling and personal purposes, so sorry if this is boring, but last week and yesterday were two of the scariest days ever. Last week I started bleeding, not much, but enough to make it a very rough and scary night since I wasn't able to get a hold of the doctor. All I could think about all night was losing one of my babies or both. It is amazing to me how important these little ones are to me already. i have only been pregnant for 3 months and only known about having 2 for about 6 weeks, but the idea of not having two is one of the worst thoughts i can imagine! We are still adjusting to the idea of instant family of four but now all our planning revolves around 2, not 1! Thankfully, the doctor was able to see me the next morning and we were able to do an ultrasound, and again thankfully, my little ones were doing just fine, and had grown quite a bit. The bleeding was caused by the placenta coming away from the uterus lining, which is still not a good thing. the connection provides blood to the baby, so it is pretty important, but the nurse said the baby could lose up to a quarter of its blood supply and still be ok, so the amount of blood that i was losing was not enough to harm the baby. however, it was important that the blood stop, so i was put on strict bed rest for a week until the bleeding stopped. I was beyond bored! but thankfully my dad and my little brother was able to come and help me out so that i was able to stay off my feet. They also kept me from going insane by myself. so the bleeding stopped, so i went back to work on Monday. the day was rough, but went fine, but last night i started bleeding again and this time it was worse, so again, I was sitting here fretting about the potential of losing one of my precious little ones. I had another ultrasound and this time went to a special imaging place, so i was able to see better pictures of the little ones. Thankfully again, everything is just fine, as far as the doctors can tell, the babies are perfectly healthy and growing on schedule. The ultrasound also didn't give any reason for the bleeding, which is good and bad. There doesn't seem to be anything to be concerned about, but yet, still blood, so we will see what happens, but my biggest concern is that both babies are doing good. Baby A was very cooperative and Baby B was very stubborn, so apparently I am going to have a difficult one. Which fact I am totally fine with if I can just get them both here safely and healthy. so here are some fun pictures from today's ultrasound. It was really neat, the clinician showed me the 2 halves of each babies brain, the 4 chambers of the hearts, 4 arms, 4 legs, and 2 healthy cords doing what they are supposed to. I was 5 days too early for the doctor to tell me the sex, which is really frustrating!!! So close to not having to wonder anymore!

so here is both babies looking at the tops of their heads.

here is baby A, and it was sucking its thumb (sorry dont know gender and I have had too many guesses that keep changing so I am not going to guess yet). Since Baby A was being so cooperative, we got a great 3-D Picture.

it looks like the baby thought it was too bright, even though there wasnt any light. Maybe it was just sleepy and rubbing its eyes :)

This is Baby B, upside down. Its legs were crossed which was super cute to see!

Joining the Club and then some

We are thoroughly pleased to announce that we are finally joining the club..... The mommy and daddy club! It has been a long road (many have longer but still) of more than a year of hoping and trying with 2 failed pregnancies, but we are finally pregnant! I am about 7 weeks along (which is still a bit early, but we are just too excited to keep the good news to ourselves!) This little bundle definitely took some work so we are hoping the work will pay off and everything will go smooth.


We also just had our first ultrasound. We were really excited for an opportunity to hear the baby's heart beat. Unfortunately, it was a little too soft to hear, however, we did get an even better treat. The doctor started the ultrasound and immediate stated a very interesting little tidbit..... Can you tell from the pics (sorry they are blurry, its hard to have a picture of a picture)



If you know anything about ultrasounds early on in pregnancy, you know that this early, the baby is very small and its pretty difficult to distinguish anything, but you can see the yolk sac which is the black hole looking egg in the picture. The interesting little tidbit was that there happens to be 2 little black hole looking eggs which means.....WE ARE HAVING TWINS!!!

Definitely a shocker for us! We were absolutely not expecting that little surprise and are still pretty much in shock, but absolutely elated for this little roller coaster ride we stepped on to. We are very hopeful that everything will be safe and smooth for our little ones to join our family! They are due to arrive sometime around the end of March....like the 22nd or so, but twins usually arrive early, so I am guessing late Feb, early March, but we will see when they feel like having a birthday. :) Because there are two sacs, it means they are fraternal (not identical) twins. so who knows what the flavor will be. Eldon and I have both had many dreams about twins and they typically involve and boy and a girl, so that is my guess, but we will see what Heavenly Father has in store.

So since there are two, I have pictures of each, but its really hard to make out. Hopefully we will have better ones to post in the future when they are bigger than a little dot on the screen!

So here is Baby A.

and here is baby B.

Everything looks good so far and my blood work and hormones are right on target. Although we couldnt hear the heart beats, we were able to see them flickering on the screen. I am doing ok. I already definitely feel a difference in my tummy (but its probably in my head). I have been fairly nauseous, but havent been sick yet. Mostly, I am absolutely exhausted and just focus on keeping my eyes open at work. So if we go a bit in between posts...thats why! But with the exciting news, i will try to keep the blog updated on events. And just for posterity, even though I dont like the picture (So bare with me) This is the belly shot at 6 weeks. I was already chubby before, but have now added a few pounds and have a swollen abdomen.