Four years ago today, was the absolute worst day of my life. It was the day my heart completely broke. It was the day I delivered our sweet twins still born and the day that tore my soul. My grief has changed over the past four years. I can not say it has lessened, because there are moments that my heart feels like it has ripped again, but it has changed. It has morphed into a desire to be better in every way. To be a better wife, a better daughter, a better sister, a better friend and most especially a better MOTHER. It has given me the desire to do everything within my power to ensure that we stay together as a family, an eternal family. And that we are worthy to join our sweet boys that are waiting for us in Heaven. I want our family to be complete! In the meantime, while I am trying to be better, we have decided to make the twins birthday a day of family celebration. A day to remember our eternal family and to do something that we think the Twins would have enjoyed. So we decided to celebrate the day at the zoo! This was the first trip for the boys to the zoo. They really could have cared less about the animals who were actually quite difficult to see, but they loved being outside. The zoo has a cute little Fisher Price playground, that they boys enjoyed getting out of the stroller and running around. It was a beautiful day and it was an incredibly happy time as a family.
Following the Zoo, we went to Bass Pro Shops to attempt to visit Santa Claus. He was not available at the time, so we enjoyed the Merry Go Round instead. The boys seemed to enjoy it, but Mom and Dad do not like to spin :p.
Later that evening, we went to the Cemetery to send our Love to Heaven through our traditional balloon release. A few friends and family members were able to join us. I am so grateful to those who remember our family on this difficult day. It is so crazy to me that the twins would have been four already. It seems like it was only last week. I chuckle to think how much crazier our life would be if we had two 4 years old running around our chaos in addition to the wild boys. I am so grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who has a plan for our family. I struggle daily to understand and be patient as His plan unfolds in our lives. I am still not to the point of gratitude for our trials, especially this one, but I do fully recognize that He is in charge and has a plan and if our life had not unfolded as it has, we would not have turned to adoption and we would not have our sweet Xander in our family, and probably wouldnt have our sweet Zane either. I am grateful that because of the Eternal nature of our family, we will have them all in the eternities.
Happy 4th birthday my loves! Mommy loves you so very much! I miss you daily and I am so very grateful that you are part of our forever family. I know you are watching over our family and have helped to bring the sweet blessings we have. Sending our Love Always!
